I dont take Risks

You know, I never take risk while drinking.

When I come from office in the evening, wife is cooking I can hear the noise of utensils in the kitchen .

I stealthily enter the house
Take out the bottle from my black cupboard
Shivaji Maharaj is looking at me from the photo frame
But still no one is aware of it
Becoz I never take a risk ……

I take out the glass from the rack above the old sink
Quickly enjoy one peg
Wash the glass and again keep it on the rack
Of course I also keep the bottle inside my cupboard
Shivaji Maharaj is giving a smile

I peep into the kitchen
Wife is cutting potatoes
No one is aware of what I did
Becoz I never take a risk

Me: Any news on chopra’s daughter’s marriage

Wife: Nope, she doesn’t seem to be that lucky. Still they are looking
out for her

I again come out; there is a small noise of the black cupboard
But I don’t make any sound while taking out the bottle
I take out the glass from the old rack above sink
Quickly enjoy one peg
Wash the bottle and keep it in the sink
Also keep the Black Glass in the cupboard
But still no one is aware of what I did
Becoz I never take a risk

Me: But still I think chopra’s daughter’s age is not that much

Wife: What are you saying? She is 28 yrs old… like an aged horse

Me: (I forgot her age is 28) Oh Oh…

I again take out potatoes out from my black cupboard
But the cupboard’s place has automatically changed
I take out the bottle from the rack and quickly enjoy one peg in the sink
Shivaji Maharaj laughs loudly

I keep the rack in the potatoes & wash Shivaji Maharaj’s photo &
keepit in the black cupboard
Wife is keeping the sink on the stove
But still no one is aware of what I did
Becoz I never take a risk

Me: (getting angry) you call Mr. chopra a horse? If you say that
again, I will cut your tongue…!

Wife: Don’t just blabber something, go out and sit quietly…

I take out the bottle from the potatoes
Go in the black cupboard and enjoy a peg
Wash the sink and keep it over the rack
Wife is giving a smile
Shivaji Maharaj is still cooking
But still no one is aware of what I did
Becoz I never take a risk

Me: (laughing) So chopra is marrying a horse!!

Wife: Hey go and sprinkle some water on your face…

I again go to the kitchen, and quietly sit on the rack
Stove is also on the rack
There is a small noise of bottles from the room outside
I peep and see that wife is enjoying a peg in the sink
But none of the horses are aware of what I did
Becoz Shivaji Maharaj never takes a risk
chopra is still cooking

And I am looking at my wife from the photo and laughing

Becoz I never take what???

CHEERS……….!!!!!

Hope you guys understood the above story. LOL.
PS2: I am not married.. still available.. : Rahul

These are the DO’s and DONT’s for babe care..

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Below gallery contains a huge number of Google logos. Enjoy

The logos are property and trademark of Google and given here just for information and knowledge.

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Readers Discretion Required. Do not read if you feel this as offending.

Lesson 1

A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up her shower, when the doorbell rings.

The wife quickly wraps herself in a towel and runs downstairs.

When she opens the door, there stands Bob, the next-door neighbour.

Before she says a word, Bob says, ‘I’ll give you $800 to drop that towel.’

After thinking for a moment, the woman drops her towel and stands naked in front of Bob, after a few seconds, Bob hands her $800 and leaves.

The woman wraps back up in the towel and goes back upstairs.

When she gets to the bathroom, her husband asks, ‘Who was that?’

‘It was Bob the next door neighbour,’ she replies.

‘Great,’ the husband says, ‘did he say anything about the $800 he owes me?’

Moral of the story
If you share critical information pertaining to credit and risk with your shareholders in time, you may be in a position to prevent avoidable exposure.

Lesson 2

A priest offered a Nun a lift.

She got in and crossed her legs, forcing her gown to reveal a leg.

The priest nearly had an accident.

After controlling the car, he stealthily slid his hand up her leg.

The nun said, ‘Father, remember Psalm 129?’

The priest removed his hand. But, changing gears, he let his hand slide up her leg again.

The nun once again said, ‘Father, remember Psalm 129?’

The priest apologized ‘Sorry sister but the flesh is weak.’

Arriving at the convent, the nun sighed heavily and went on her way.

On his arrival at the church, the priest rushed to look up Psalm 129. It said, ‘Go forth and seek, further up, you will find glory.’

Moral of the story
If you are not well informed in your job, you might miss a great opportunity.

Lesson 3

A sales rep, an administration clerk, and the manager are walking to lunch when they find an antique oil lamp.

They rub it and a Genie comes out.

The Genie says, ‘I’ll give each of you just one wish.’

‘Me first! Me first!’ says the admin clerk. ‘I want to be in the Bahamas , driving a speedboat, without a care in the world.’

Puff! She’s gone.

‘Me next! Me next!’ says the sales rep. ‘I want to be in Hawaii , relaxing on the beach with my personal masseuse, an endless supply of Pina Coladas and the love of my life.’

Puff! He’s gone.

‘OK, you’re up,’ the Genie says to the manager.
The manager says, ‘I want those two back in the office after lunch.’

Moral of the story
Always let your boss have the first say.

Lesson 4

An eagle was sitting on a tree resting, doing nothing.

A small rabbit saw the eagle and asked him, ‘Can I also sit like you and do nothing?’

The eagle answered: ‘Sure, why not.’

So, the rabbit sat on the ground below the eagle and rested. All of a sudden, a fox appeared, jumped on the rabbit and ate it.

Moral of the story
To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting very, very high up.

Lesson 5

A turkey was chatting with a bull.

‘I would love to be able to get to the top of that tree’ sighed the turkey, ‘but I haven’t got the energy.’

‘Well, why don’t you nibble on some of my droppings?’ replied the bull. They’re packed with nutrients.’

The turkey pecked at a lump of dung, and found it actually gave him enough strength to reach the lowest branch of the tree.

The next day, after eating some more dung, he reached the second branch..

Finally after a fourth night, the turkey was proudly perched at the top of the tree.

He was promptly spotted by a farmer, who shot him out of the tree.

Moral of the story
Bull Shit might get you to the top, but it won’t keep you there.

Lesson 6

A little bird was flying south for the winter. It was so cold the bird froze and fell to the ground into a large field.

While he was lying there, a cow came by and dropped some dung on him.

As the frozen bird lay there in the pile of cow dung, he began to realize how warm he was.

The dung was actually thawing him out!

He lay there all warm and happy, and soon began to sing for joy.

A passing cat heard the bird singing and came to investigate.

Following the sound, the cat discovered the bird under the pile of cow dung, and promptly dug him out and ate him.

Morals of the story
(1) Not everyone who shits on you is your enemy.

(2) Not everyone who gets you out of shit is your friend.

(3) And when you’re in deep shit, it’s best to keep your mouth shut!

THUS ENDS THE FIVE MINUTE MANAGEMENT COURSE

Watch this hilarious creative advertisement for Castrol starring animated RajiniKanth at his best.

Jujubi!!!!

Cheers!

Sensational, grandly sinister and not for the kids, “The Dark Knight” elevates pulp to a very high level. Heath Ledger’s Joker takes it higher still, and the 28-year-old actor’s death earlier this year of an accidental overdose lends the film an air of a funeral and a rollicking, out-of-control wake mixed together. In “The Dark Knight,” Ledger makes all other comic book screen villains look like Baby Huey. Like Shakespeare’s Iago or Richard III, like Anthony Hopkins’ Hannibal Lecter or Javier Bardem’s implacable murderer in “No Country For Old Men,” this is no Method maniac, asking or telling anyone about his character’s motivation. At one point Ledger throws up his hands and says, agitatedly, that it’s a waste of time looking for a rationale behind the Joker’s smeary psycho-harlequin makeup.

“I’m a dog chasing cars,” he says. “I wouldn’t know what to do with one of them if I caught it.”

Director and co-writer Christopher Nolan, who fashioned the screenplay with his brother, Jonathan, has created the most ambitious and sleekly beautiful of all the superhero screen outings. A handful of others—” Superman II” and ” Spider-Man 2″ come to mind—may have fewer loose ends and a more exhilarating spirit. They’re certainly shorter; this one is 152 minutes. But “The Dark Knight,” which improves upon the solemn authority Nolan and Christian Bale’s Bruce Wayne brought to ” Batman Begins,” has an atmospheric shimmer all its own. Its unsung hero is cinematographer Wally Pfister, who makes every interior and exterior a thing of burnished, menacing beauty. Shot largely in Chicago at night, greatly aided by production designer Nathan Crowley, this is the most nocturnally insinuating entertainment since Michael Mann’s “Collateral.”

No heartland paradise

Sampling every flat Midwestern dialect he no doubt heard while shooting in Chicago, Ledger gives the Joker the deceptively bland vowel sounds of heartland America. But Gotham City is no heartland paradise. It teeters on the verge of bloody anarchy, and its most outré citizen licks his chops, literally, as if he can’t get the taste of blood out of his mouth

While billionaire playboy Wayne continues his clean-up campaign Gotham City finds a new symbol of righteous hope, district attorney Harvey Dent (Aaron Eckhart). He has it all: a fervent desire to clean up a dirty town, plus the love and devotion of Wayne’s ex, the assistant D.A. and one of a small handful of Gothamites who know Batman’s true identity. She’s played by Maggie Gyllenhaal, stepping in for (and improving on) Katie Holmes. Gyllenhaal’s curled-at-the-corners smile matches up perfectly with Bale’s.

The D.A. teams up with Batman and the weary honest cop Jim Gordon ( Gary Oldman in a mustache that says “trust me”) to combat organized crime, though Batman’s vigilantism has inspired all sorts of copycat, low-rent imitators. Then, just when the film needs a good jolt, Dent undergoes a radical physical and psychological transformation and becomes, literally, two-faced.

Trailer No. 1

Villain isn’t squandered

The transformation comes at a narrative cost. The film’s focus is thrown slightly out of whack, and it’s too bad his coin-flipping gambit is so like that of “No Country’s” Anton Chigurh. Not everything in “The Dark Knight” works: Some of the more painful flourishes—a grenade plopped in a bank manager’s mouth, the terrorization of Gordon’s children—are too much. Yet so much of “The Dark Knight” works on different levels simultaneously. It’s a brooding crime saga with some spectacular action sequences. My favorite pits Bale’s Batman and his “Bat-Pod,” the world’s deadliest, most awesome motorcycle, against Ledger’s Joker in an 18-wheeler. The setting is Chicago’s LaSalle Street canyon, and what I love about the scene—aside from its eerie, 3 a.m. vibe—is Nolan’s reliance on good old-fashioned stunt work. “The Dark Knight” offers plenty of digital effects, but they never take over.

Nineteen years ago Jack Nicholson’s Joker won a lot of the credit for the popularity of director Tim Burton’s “Batman.” In contrast to that stylish but uneven picture, one of the splendid things about “The Dark Knight” is its refusal to squander its villain. This is a true ensemble piece, and you can’t say that of most $180 million franchise products. Ledger’s scenes are few, carefully considered, often startlingly brutal (one scene, over in an eye-blink, involves a disappearing pencil trick and a man’s skull) and freakishly effective.

Six sequences constituting about 20 minutes of footage were shot using IMAX cameras, including the opening bank heist and a fabulous swoop across the Hong Kong skyline. (The narrative takes a detour for a matter of extraditing an Asian businessman back to Gotham and to justice.) There’s a sweep and spaciousness to the imagery here, and even a simple chase sequence such as the one staged along Lower Wacker Drive feels freshly considered. The violence, however rough, is largely free of the lingering, jokey sadism prevalent in so many comic-book and graphic novel-derived films. Nolan paints an inky portrait of a city falling apart, and in a movie rife with two-faced masquerading freaks, the Joker is merely the least conflicted of the bunch. Ledger’s work is improbably droll, impossibly creepy, meticulously detailed. See for yourself.

MPAA rating: PG-13 (for intense sequences of violence and some menace).

Running time: 2:32

Opening: 12:01 a.m. Friday.

Starring: Christian Bale (Bruce Wayne/Batman); Christian Bale(The Joker); Aaron Eckhart (Harvey Dent); Maggie Gyllenhaal (Rachel Dawes); Gary Oldman (Lt. Jim Gordon); Michael Caine (Alfred); Christian Bale (Lucius Fox).

Directed by: Christopher Nolan; screenplay by Christopher Nolan and Jonathan Nolan; photographed by Wally Pfister; production design by Nathan Crowley; edited by Lee Smith; music by James Newton Howard and Hans Zimmer; produced by Charles Roven, Emma Thomas and Christopher Nolan. A Warner Bros. Pictures release.

This is a humble contribution from my manager, Avijeet. Here he goes..

1. If you are choking on an ice cube, don’t panic. Simply pour a cup of boiling water down your throat and presto. The blockage will be almost instantly removed.

2. Clumsy? Avoid cutting yourself while slicing vegetables by getting someone else to hold them while you chop away.

3. Avoid arguments with your partner about lifting the toilet seat by simply using the sink.

4. For high blood pressure sufferers: simply cut yourself and bleed for a few minutes, thus reducing the pressure in your veins. Remember to use a timer.

5. A mouse trap, placed on top of your alarm clock, will prevent you from rolling over and going back to sleep after you hit the snooze button.

6. If you have a bad cough, take a large dose of laxatives. Then you will be afraid to cough.

7. Have a bad toothache? Smash your thumb with a hammer and you will forget about the toothache.

8. Sometimes, we just need to remember what the rules of life really are: You only need two tools: WD-40 and Duct Tape. If it doesn’t move and should, use the WD-40. If it shouldn’t move and does, use the duct tape.

9. Remember: Everyone seems normal until you get to know them.

10. Never pass up an opportunity to go to the bathroom.

11. If you woke up breathing, congratulations! You get another chance.

12. And finally, be really nice to your family and friends; you never know when you might need them to empty your bedpan.

13. The statistics on sanity are that one out of every four persons is suffering from some sort of mental illness. Think of your three best friends — if they’re okay, then it’s you.

LoL… god damn the managers.

One Boat able to carry 2 persons at a time. See the other rules in the game “Info Tab”

Post in comments.. how much time you took ??

Lovely!! Isn’t it???

Mister Otto in 17

3′ 19″ video col, computer animation 2D
Subject, screenplay and 2D animation: Bruno Bozzetto
Music and sound effects : Roberto Frattini

Several gags with Otto, the unlucky character in Olympics.

Select Read More to view the flash animation.

Another One: Mr. Otto in Olympics

Cheers!!!